


Undisclosed Desires

by toastandjammies



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastandjammies/pseuds/toastandjammies
Summary: They say everybody has one great love in their life, and Thomas had realized that for him, as painful and unwanted as it was, that one great love was Jimmy Kent.Set a few months after the Downton movie.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent
Comments: 10
Kudos: 81





	Undisclosed Desires

**Author's Note:**

> I've had notes for this on my phone since I first saw the Downton movie back in September, but apparently I am incapable of writing more than one fic a year. I haven't written smut in ages but Jimmy's bum inspired me. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title is blatantly stolen from a beautiful Muse song which I advise you to listen to while you read this :)
> 
> _I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
>  I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

Thomas blinked into the sunlight as he stepped out of the shop and onto the busy London streets. He had offered to pick up something for Lord Grantham, but the package wasn't ready yet so he had a few hours to spare. These kinds of errands were not usually part of his job, but he felt like sneaking in a half day. Butlers deserved free time just like any other person in service, he reasoned. 

As he turned left a flash of golden hair underneath a flatcap made his heart leap in his chest, and he nearly dropped the cigarette he was about to light. 

He'd gotten a letter, one letter, a long time ago before his paranoia and self loathing led him to desperate measures. He was glad they'd found him, Andy and Miss Baxter. Life wasn’t perfect but it had been looking up lately. But that one letter...he'd replied, of course, maybe a little too quickly in his eagerness to stay in touch with the vain, ambitious footman who almost became his undoing. 

Vain and ambitious, yes, and very snarky, but there was a gentler, more vulnerable Jimmy Kent underneath that not many people had seen. Thomas had seen this Jimmy many times when he was still at Downton, during smoke-laced conversations that went on deep into the night. He had seen that Jimmy afterwards, too--in his dreams, often, and on the street, sometimes, or so it always seemed at first glance. It was never him, of course, but it was funny how random things could continue to remind you of a person you had observed so intensely and had loved so deeply. Still loved, deep down, if he was truly honest with himself. 

They say everybody has one great love in their life, and Thomas had realized that for him, as painful and unwanted as it was, that one great love was Jimmy Kent. 

For months he thought he could love Richard, and he did love him in a way; corresponding regularly, the pendant a permanent fixture in the pocket of his livery, subconsciously hoping that its presence would amplify his feelings if only he kept it close enough. He had met up with Richard a few times now and they had become very good friends (with some admittedly wonderful benefits whenever time and place allowed it), but he found that just because they were the same, it didn't mean that they were meant for each other. There was more comfortable camaraderie and understanding between them than anything. They'd met again for a drink a few days ago, and Thomas had found out that the feeling was mutual. Thomas had found a friend. And they would always stay friends. But nothing more. 

Those golden curls. It wasn't him, of course. It was never him. One letter, and he never found out what happened to him after that. He may as well have been...no. He refused to let his thoughts wander in that awful direction. Thomas turned around and walked down the street, figuring he would grab a pint somewhere to pass the time until the package was ready. His hand was around the pendant, still in his pocket. He'd grown fond of it and he knew he would always keep it close, if only as a reminder that he wasn't alone.

He was about to enter a pub when someone suddenly grabbed his arm, almost making him drop the pendant. He jerked, thinking he was about to get robbed, and was halfway through blurting out a snide "oi, watch it" when-

"Thomas."

Golden hair underneath a flatcap. A well-kept woollen suit that had seen better days. Eyes that he would recognize anywhere, set intently on him. Lips that he had dreamed about so often, releasing a shaky breath.

It was him. It really was him. He looked a little tired, and nervous, but just as handsome as Thomas remembered. His stomach did a funny thing and he felt himself unable to stop staring at the man who had suddenly appeared before him. Jimmy. _His Jimmy_. Thomas was gaping like a fish, so he snapped his mouth shut, waiting for the other man to say something, because Thomas was finding it very hard to speak at the moment.

Jimmy dragged him into a quieter side street, away from the busy London crowd jostling them on the sidewalk. His breathing was still shaky, a tense expression on his face, and Thomas could feel Jimmy's hand trembling through the fabric of his coat. 

"Thomas...Mr. Barr-" He took a deep breath and settled on a soft "Thomas."

It took Thomas a few seconds to find his voice, but when he did he couldn't hold back the face-splitting smile that burst out along with it. Relief washed over him. He’d missed that deep voice saying his name. It really was him. "Jimmy."

Thomas's reaction seemed to release something inside the other man, because he instantly relaxed and smiled back at him. "I can't believe it, I never thought I'd see you again. What are you doing in London? Are you...are you still working at Downton?"

"Butler now, actually," Thomas said with a slight smirk. Seeing Jimmy smile at him like that for the first time in years was doing complicated things to his insides, and his face was already starting to hurt from his uncharacteristic excessive grinning.

Jimmy's eyes widened. "Well, I'll be damned." He glanced down the street, nervously flexing his hands. "Do you, um...do you have to be anywhere? I mean, I live a little further down this street and, um...I'd like it if we could talk?" he rambled. "It's been so long." 

Thomas tried to school his face into something more neutral. "Yes, of course," he nodded. "I'd like that."

It was a short walk to Jimmy's place. Neither of them spoke, but the silence was companionable, like those times when they took a quick smoke break together to clear their heads, or silently played a game of cards when everyone else had already gone to bed. It was comforting to know they still had this.

Jimmy stopped in front of a green door that was begging for a paint job, opening it and leading Thomas up a narrow staircase. They entered a tiny apartment, sparsely furnished but not unpleasant. There was a kitchenette, some ratty old curtains, and Thomas could see an unmade bed and a pile of clothes behind a partially opened door. It made him smile. Jimmy had always hated making his bed at Downton and complained about it on a daily basis. This place was lived in and clearly a home to him. Thomas already felt more comfortable here than he ever had in his room at the Abbey.

"Make yourself at home," Jimmy said as he put the kettle on. Thomas smiled and sat down on Jimmy's couch, the only big piece of furniture in the room, waiting for the other man to bring their cups of tea. 

"You've got a nice place here." Jimmy gave him a look. "I mean it, it must feel good to have something that's all yours. Can't imagine what that feels like." 

Jimmy considered this as he sat down next to Thomas, handing him his tea. "It is, yeah. Though any place that doesn't have bloody Alfred in it is pretty great in my book," he grinned. 

They quickly fell into old habits, having a smoke together as Thomas told Jimmy about becoming Downton's butler, and gave updates on everyone who was still working at the house. Jimmy nearly choked on his tea when Thomas relayed his story about the royal visit, getting one up on Carson, and slamming the door on Lord Grantham and Lady Mary. 

"You didn't!"

"They deserved it."

"Oh, I bet. I would have paid good money to see the looks on their faces."

Jimmy told him he had worked at a few houses but couldn't settle to save his life. "I was always getting in trouble, they were all obnoxious tossers like Carson and I got so sick of it," he huffed, eliciting a chuckle from Thomas. Jimmy had never gotten his letter because he'd already left that particular house. Nobody bothered to forward his mail, making him believe that Thomas never replied to him. "Like I said, tossers."

He continued, his voice taking on a pensive tone. "I worked at a clock shop for a little while and I was good at it, too. Could sell people anything, but..." He hesitated briefly, glancing at Thomas and ducking his head when their eyes met. "The um...the clocks were too much. They reminded me of you, it was like you were with me constantly and it made me feel empty inside." He took a deep breath and locked eyes with the other man. "I've been pretty miserable since I left you. I was such a bloody idiot."

Thomas was usually a master at schooling his features into something calm and distant, but this time he failed spectacularly, eyes widening and once again struggling to find his voice. "Jimmy, what are you..." His voice came out rougher than he expected and he cleared his throat.

"I get it now, I think," Jimmy mused, talking over him. "It's taken me years, but I get it now." He held up a hand as Thomas tried to speak. "I'm sorry, but I need to say this now or I never will," he laughed bitterly, and Thomas felt his heart give a strange lurch. "I never...felt a connection with anyone in my life, not really. At least I didn't think I did. I didn't realize how strong ours was until I had to leave. Our friendship..." His voice broke a little. "I missed you so much it made my chest hurt, Thomas, _physically hurt_. It was like I could barely breathe. I lashed out at everyone around me, it’s why I couldn't hold a job for ages." 

A bone-deep sigh escaped his lips and he looked up at the other man. He seemed tired. Thomas was startled by the vulnerability that emanated from Jimmy. He'd never seen him like this before, and his words...he didn't dare hope, but again he was hit with the realization that this was the man he had lost his heart to all those years ago. And despite all his efforts, despite their time apart being almost as long as the time they spent together, Jimmy still held it firmly in his hands. Great love, and all that. 

Jimmy's voice sounded small when he continued. "I understand if you've moved on, you sound happy with your life and I'm glad of it, but I have to..." He made a frustrated noise and ran a hand through his hair. "Is this what being in love feels like, Thomas? I want to-" He stopped himself, reaching over to grab both Thomas's hands. "Can we start over? Would you let me try?"

"Oh, Jimmy," Thomas breathed, looking down at how their hands were intertwined in his lap. If there was any guardedness left at all it went right out the window when he heard the words he had wanted to hear for so long. He wasn't going to insult Jimmy by asking if he was sure; Thomas knew him, knew his character. If he wanted something he went for it. Jimmy was older and wiser and clearly knew what he wanted. He'd had years to think this over. He wanted to be with Thomas. He gently pulled Jimmy towards him, arms winding around his shoulders as he whispered into his golden hair, "I would do anything for you, love." He felt Jimmy melt against him with an anguished groan, his hands clawing at Thomas's back. 

"Thank you Thomas, thank you...I've been such a fool, I didn't realize until I'd lost you." He pulled back a little, eyes closing with a sigh when Thomas's hand reached up to reverently cup his face. "Are you sure- I mean, you haven't- with someone else..." He let the words trail off, clearly unsure whether he even wanted to hear the answer.

"There was someone else," Thomas said quietly. "But it wasn't-he's just a friend now. He wasn't you." Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he continued. "I haven't told you everything. When you left I was miserable as well. I had no friends, I was going to lose my job. I was so miserable I-" He swallowed. He couldn't say it. Instead he moved the cuff on his left arm slightly, showing Jimmy the thin white line that would always remind him of the all-consuming emptiness he'd felt.

Jimmy stared at it for a long time, breathing a soft "oh" before gently taking Thomas's wrist in his hand and bringing it to his lips. "I'm never leaving you again Thomas. Never." He sat up determinedly. "They'd have to drag my corpse away from you."

"How romantic," Thomas grinned weakly, but he was touched beyond words.

“Twat.” Jimmy grinned back at him. He was still holding the other man’s wrist, and he fluttered another kiss against the raised skin before leaning his forehead against Thomas’s. Jimmy smiled shyly, unsure how to continue now that their secrets were on the table.

Thomas hummed. "Idiot." He nudged Jimmy's nose with his own, eyes hooded.

"You love me though," Jimmy said softly, almost a question.

"That I do," Thomas breathed, finally giving in and pressing his lips to Jimmy's. The first kiss was hesitant, but Jimmy responded immediately. Kissing Jimmy, kissing him properly, was everything he'd fantasized about and so much more. Jimmy always dove headfirst into things, and this was no exception. His kisses were determined and passionate and his hands were in his hair, fingers running through the black pomaded strands and making a mess of Thomas's carefully styled head. Thomas already loved how he wasn't afraid of making noise; every time he deepened their kiss a luxurious moan escaped Jimmy's lips, and it went straight to his cock. 

“Take these off,” Jimmy murmured in between kisses, nipping at his jaw and pulling at his jacket and shirt. Once they were both in their undershirts, Jimmy lost his patience and pushed at Thomas to lie down, crawling over him and looking down at him with a look of such adoration that it made Thomas’s breath catch in his throat. If there were any doubts left about Jimmy’s feelings about him, they were gone now. Jimmy’s lips were kiss-bitten, a thin sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead, and his eyes were hooded as he reached down to run a thumb over the other man’s bottom lip. He ground his hips down against Thomas and gasped at the sensation of their cocks rubbing together through the thick wool of their trousers. 

Thomas flicked his tongue against the thumb still resting on his mouth, and Jimmy moaned again, leaning over for another deep kiss. Thomas ran his hands down Jimmy's back, stopping on the curve of his arse and pressing, guiding the roll of his hips against his own. He moaned into Jimmy's mouth. Keeping his hands off of Jimmy's bum was going to become a challenge now that he knew what it felt like. 

"Bloody hell, Thomas," Jimmy groaned, nipping at the other man's neck and ear before sitting up again. "Can I?" he asked, even though his hands were already fumbling with Thomas's trousers. 

" _Christ_ -yes. Jimmy please, I want to touch you." Thomas ran his hands up muscular thighs, thumbs teasing at the crease of Jimmy's trousers. He ghosted the fingers of his gloved hand over the outline of Jimmy’s cock, making the other man jerk his hips in response. 

"I will deck you if you don't." 

Jimmy quickly got up to remove his clothes altogether, hard cock jutting out proudly as he stood next to the couch. Thomas let out a surprised gasp. Seeing Jimmy in all his glory was not something he'd expected when he got out of bed this morning. He hurriedly shoved his own trousers down his thighs. Jimmy's breathing visibly sped up at the sight, and he impatiently moved to kneel over Thomas, pushing his undershirt up to expose more skin. He ran a hand down Thomas’s stomach, pausing briefly when his fingers had almost reached his cock. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, flicking his eyes up to the other man’s face before cautiously wrapping his hand around him. A small smirk played on his lips as Thomas bucked slightly underneath him, unable to keep still. He gave a few strokes before trailing his fingers back up the other man's body, exploring.

Thomas's head was spinning at the feeling of a naked Jimmy hovering over him, _touching him_ , an Ancient Greek statue come to life, and he bid a silent ‘thank you’ to whichever deity was responsible for this turn of events. He was so overwhelmed he didn’t know which part of him to touch first, but Jimmy took this moment of hesitation to bring his hips down, sliding his hard cock against Thomas’s, and his brain switched off entirely.

“Oh, _Thomas_ ,” Jimmy gasped, mouth hanging open.

“Hnnn.” 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me how bloody good this felt?” 

Thomas growled, swatting the back of Jimmy’s head before pulling him down into another filthy kiss, intent on wiping the cheeky grin off his face by showing him how good it could really be. His hands went back to Jimmy’s wonderfully round arse, the one he’d fantasized about so many times during many lonely nights. Tangling their legs together, he brought them even closer. The resulting friction was beyond delicious.

The roll of Jimmy’s hips was getting more desperate now, shamelessly lost in his own arousal, and his tongue delved deep into Thomas’s mouth. “Oh god,” he gasped, pulling back slightly to look at the man underneath him. "W-what time do you have to be back- _oh_." 

"Don't worry, I don't think this will last long," Thomas replied with a whimper, eliciting a breathless laugh from Jimmy. “Sit up, love.” Jimmy did, his hands on Thomas’s chest, hips still gyrating of their own accord, searching for friction. With his gloved hand on Jimmy’s hip, Thomas ran his tongue across his other palm and wrapped his hand around both their cocks. 

Jimmy’s reaction was instant; he bucked wildly into the tight circle, nails digging into the other man's chest, cursing silently as he tried to match the rhythm with his hips. His impatience was showing on his face, and Thomas groaned loudly as he watched Jimmy spit in his own hand, bringing it down to coat the heads of their leaking cocks with saliva. “Yes, _yes_ , please Thomas,” he managed between gasps.

Jimmy falling apart above him, golden hair a mess, a sheen of sweat glistening on his bare chest, was a sight to behold. Thomas was close, so close, and the sensation of their cocks sliding together in his hand was making him feel dizzy. He sped up at the increasing desperation in Jimmy’s moans. 

“Yes, come on love,” Thomas breathed. With a loud groan, Jimmy thrust into their hands a few more times before stilling completely, jaw slack and eyes closed, cock jerking and spilling onto Thomas’s own cock and stomach. He was the most beautiful thing Thomas had ever seen, and it took only a couple of come-slickened strokes for him to follow, arching his back, heels digging into the couch cushions as he came with an open-mouthed gasp. Jimmy collapsed on top of him, completely ignoring the mess between them.

They lay together for a while, breathing evening out, and Thomas thought Jimmy had fallen asleep until he felt him nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “That was-uhm. Wow.” His voice sounded rough.

Thomas was beaming. He ran a hand down Jimmy’s back, feeling the muscles shift underneath his fingers. “Amazing.”

Jimmy sighed. “I’m sorry, Thomas. We could have had this years ago.”

“Christ, are you always this melancholy after sex? Don’t be silly. You weren’t ready. It’s alright,” he said, pressing a kiss into his hair. “Besides, we’re not old and senile yet. Plenty of time ahead to catch up.” 

“Well, I’m not. You, on the other hand…” he smiled against his neck.

Thomas pinched his bum. Jimmy punched his arm in retaliation. There was some more playful wrestling until Jimmy ended up with his bare arse on the floor, Thomas cackling down at him from the couch before Jimmy yanked him off it with it a yelp. They settled side by side, sharing soft kisses. Thomas pulled back slightly. “I really do have to go back soon.” 

Jimmy lazily chased after his mouth, ending up with his chin on Thomas’s shoulder. “Hmm, I know. How long will you be in London?”

“Another week, at least. The family will be dining away from home most days, so…” he trailed off, looking at Jimmy hopefully. 

“Well, I work at a department store now, so unless they keep me in after hours to count the stock my evenings are free.” 

They smiled at each other in silent agreement. Thomas felt like his heart had grown wings. He couldn't remember ever feeling this happy. He cupped Jimmy’s face for another kiss before slowly getting up with a groan.

“Need help, old man?”

Thomas tried to glare at him, but he was smiling too hard for it to have any effect. “Instead of insulting me you could make yourself useful and find my shirt.” 

It took a few minutes for them to get cleaned up and dressed. In Jimmy’s case this meant he only put on his trousers without even bothering to fasten them properly, exposing the jut of his hips and a tantalizing glimpse of pubic hair. He looked absolutely sinful. Thomas couldn’t help but put his hands on his warm skin, pulling him closer. Jimmy busied himself with Thomas’s hair, smoothening the loose strands and only partly succeeding. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck and kissed him again.

“I’m so glad I found you.” His face softened. “I love you, Thomas.” 

Thomas had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could reply. “I love you too, Jimmy. I never stopped.”

It wouldn’t be easy, but they were going to make it work. And that was more than Thomas could ever have hoped for.


End file.
